Posts Tagged ‘life’

Our History

I have had the time to write these words
ruminating and revising
editing my truth
the very evidence of my privilege written in ink
the pigment of my skin securing me an extra word
but everyday
I read about a life i will never understand
damaged permanently
erased and forgotten
and I am speechless
but I can no longer hide on this page
this pen insufficient
for the rage I feel at the core
of a body that was regulated
raped the moment it began
to grow in my mother’s womb
forced to give birth
to blame and subjugation
because I should have fucking known better
than to open my legs and expect it all to be ok
these legs that carry us through
these legs that march
these legs that kick through every wall you build around us
and if I should be on one list I will be on them all
let my name be my oath
that we have not forgotten history
that you cannot eradicate
the Rosa Parks, the Harvey Milk, the Mahatma Gandhi, the Judith Heumann
and every other warrior running through our veins
yelling our declaration
you cannot outlaw our existence
and we are bigger
than the hands you use to sign us into a corner
we hold these truths to be self evident
and we will burn your house to the ground
and throw ourselves into the flames
so our children will know what it is to breathe without fear
so go ahead
smirk, sign, talk
celebrate your victories over a divided country
as we come together to write a new story
not of Muslims, queers, women, people of colour, or people with disabilities
but a culture of people
who are done letting someone else
edit our history


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I have wrapped myself in galaxies, laughed at the stories the stars have to tell
Felt the core of the earth tremble with ecstasy, been held by rolling hills when I could not stand
I have flowed with the river, soothing and patient as it shaped me, picking up rocks along the way
Risen with fire as flames dance to my rhythm
I have traveled to the unseen depths of my soul, fought the demons that call my shadows home
Returned whole
And yet, I cannot find myself
In the prints that mark these journeys
The songs in the trees
The gentle kisses on the cool breeze
Enough to believe this broken body could be
The blessed result of the sacred union of Above and Below
the wish
the goal
the plan
the dream
But the sunrise tells me “have hope”
But the sunset says “just wait and see”
So I will keep dancing, keep burning, keep breathing
Listening when the earth whispers secrets
Trusting these roads to lead where I need
Bathing in the sun’s warmth, brilliant with love
And I will find my peace
In the transience of the moon
Grateful that each speaks to me in ways some people never learn to hear
And someday
When my journey has ended
My lessons complete
I will see myself reflected in the hearts of my tribe
And I will know truth

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life is too short
to make up reasons not to breathe deep and feel it inside you
not to jump in head first
not to drown if you have to to really get it
life is too short
just to talk about it like someone you once knew
like an old friend you’ll call again someday
the world won’t wait for you
and in the perfect moment
your eyeliner will look like shit regardless
and no one
I mean NO one
will care
honesty is not for the weak
and no once can fight your battles for you
but it sure as hell helps to have
a second set of eyes
and someone who has your back on the darkest nights
sometimes that person needs saving too
but not every time
because all the kings men can’t put back together
what’s not as broken as it seems
we are always growing, even if it’s sideways
so look in all directions
actions speak louder than words
words spoken to the heart echo forever, even the bad ones
words spoken from the heart are louder than the bad ones
and even if you actions are not praised the gods have seen them
I have seen them
you can never die if you are loved
life is too short not to love

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the Amercan Dream

squints into the rising sun

wondering how many nights he must sacrifice

to sleep easily

how any poisons imbibed

just to be buried alive

because the price of dying is too high to fathom

reaching his hands above the poverty line

starving for time

because this deadline looms like a beheading

so he keeps killing himself

to make a better life

resting his eyes against the blaze

he wakes to nightmares

his children crying, his house on fire

hope dead

and he hasn’t seen his wife in weeks

but he can feel her eyes in each sunset

that feels like another failure

knowing she bleeds in vain

beneath the strain of holding up a house made of matchsticks

agaist the holocaust of a neverending fight

where ends only meet

if she spreads her legs in streets paved with inequity

nothing more than a whore to stone

a body to own

or worse…invisible

now night falls

and with it all the stars left to wish upon

and there on his knees

the American Dream fades away


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The Pier

three men sitting on the pier with fishing poles in hand

and me
and my notebook
scribbling my soul away
quiet and still
searching for something
just below the surface
on faith
one day, yes one day,
one day it will be there
this thing of legends
and all will be well again
overhead seagulls loom
underfoot distractions abound
all around children laugh
and at midday the sun shines too brightly
but when a gentle breeze blows by
it’s a silent reminder
that we, too, are alive
just below the surface
three soft sighs
three slight smiles
a rustle of paper
and maybe someday
a tug on the line

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who I am

the body that aches
heavy and hopeless
as it feels bruises somewhere unfathomable
the heart that flinches
poisoned and defenseless
against calculated blows
as it struggles in vain to fight back somehow
the spirit that recoils
dim and numb
as it tries to comprehend
how easily the power of this love
ca be used as a weapon
the memories that torment
vivid and relentless
to remind me of how easily all is forsaken
Who you are
the body that aches
reaching and lashing
as it tries to hold on to control
the world cannot afford
the heart that flinches
scared and reactive
as it prepares itself for the desolation it feels
must be inevitable
the spirit that recoils
conflicted and complicated
as it vacillates
between a need for freedom and a need to be held
the memories that torment
damming and agonizing
as they taunt you
with clips of places better left abandoned
Who we are
a body capable of amazing feats
passionate and resilient
a heart that beats a mesmerizing rhythm
generous and unconditional
a spirit that dances to the heart’s wild song
rare and forgiving
memories crafted and perfected over years
adventurous and sweet
who gave us the right
to use these things
to destroy each other
who gave us the freedom
to so violently eschew our responsibilities to this commitment
the promises we made
to protect and cherish always
who looked away
while we flayed each other alive
our bodies survive
as all the things that make who we are beautiful
are hurled in anger
because who I am and who you are will heal
but who we are is much more delicate
and we have caused it so much pain
abandoning it somewhere in the darkness
of our own insecurities
because who we are is
good and strong
but each time we prove
how cruel we can be to one another
it gets a little farther away
and we cannot survive this way
my love
my partner
my body, my heart, my spirit
my memories
we must find the road
that returns us to who we are
Relationship Breakup

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These Men

What will they think of me
These men
Who run the gauntlet
But still fail
Walls in place because you broke my heart
These men
Who could be perfect
But won’t ever get the chance
Because of nothing they did wrong
These men
Who are sweet to me
Who are good to me
But will not be let in
Because so were you
And if you could shatter me
They could, too
What will they think of me
These men
Who wait patiently
As I vacillate
Between falling in love
And reinforcing my defenses
Unwilling to ever risk serendipity again

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