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Posts Tagged ‘Poetry’

Our History

I have had the time to write these words
ruminating and revising
editing my truth
the very evidence of my privilege written in ink
the pigment of my skin securing me an extra word
but everyday
I read about a life i will never understand
damaged permanently
erased and forgotten
and I am speechless
but I can no longer hide on this page
this pen insufficient
for the rage I feel at the core
of a body that was regulated
raped the moment it began
to grow in my mother’s womb
forced to give birth
to blame and subjugation
because I should have fucking known better
than to open my legs and expect it all to be ok
these legs that carry us through
these legs that march
these legs that kick through every wall you build around us
and if I should be on one list I will be on them all
let my name be my oath
that we have not forgotten history
that you cannot eradicate
the Rosa Parks, the Harvey Milk, the Mahatma Gandhi, the Judith Heumann
and every other warrior running through our veins
yelling our declaration
you cannot outlaw our existence
and we are bigger
than the hands you use to sign us into a corner
we hold these truths to be self evident
and we will burn your house to the ground
and throw ourselves into the flames
so our children will know what it is to breathe without fear
so go ahead
smirk, sign, talk
celebrate your victories over a divided country
as we come together to write a new story
not of Muslims, queers, women, people of colour, or people with disabilities
but a culture of people
who are done letting someone else
edit our history

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act sorry
act hurt
act like you’ve ever longed for me
like the hole it will leave in your life wont just be filled in and smoothed over
as if I never fit in your arms like they were made for me
act like you loved me
held me
desired me
with a passion so intense
I believed it
trusted it
surrendered to it
act like you didn’t want to hurt me
like the tears I’m going to cry won’t dry alone
like you’ll hear my voice in the back of your mind
and feel anything that resembles the pain you’re causing
act like maybe for a moment you were devastated
act like i was worth fighting both of our demons
just to kiss one more time
like I brought any life to your light
even a single good memory
to make the time we shared
unsullied by the goodbye
act like the woman you fell in love with
is still inside me
and shes shattered
act like you care at all
that I’m going to be awake in the middle of the night
cold with a dying soul
that I’ll spend days wondering where I went wrong
where I was so broken
that you ┬ájust couldn’t bear another
I love you
even if none of it’s true
even if all of that is more than you can do
act sorry

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It Seems

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It seems I’ve misplaced

all the sweet nothings you once gave free
and I know they’re here somewhere
but I wonder if they still look the same
It’s seems I’ve lost
the key to your thoughts
the windows, they’re dark
and too high for me to reach
It seems I’ve forgotten
the code to your speech
and face value is cheap these days
It seems I’ve mixed up
the words to the songs you used to play for me
And it seems I’ve lost
my way to your heart
but I’ll keep walking in circles
until you push me away
tell me to leave
It’s seems I still think
there’s a place here for me
It’s seems I’m no longer sure
of anything

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sunset
I have wrapped myself in galaxies, laughed at the stories the stars have to tell
Felt the core of the earth tremble with ecstasy, been held by rolling hills when I could not stand
I have flowed with the river, soothing and patient as it shaped me, picking up rocks along the way
Risen with fire as flames dance to my rhythm
I have traveled to the unseen depths of my soul, fought the demons that call my shadows home
Returned whole
And yet, I cannot find myself
In the prints that mark these journeys
The songs in the trees
The gentle kisses on the cool breeze
Enough to believe this broken body could be
The blessed result of the sacred union of Above and Below
the wish
the goal
the plan
the dream
But the sunrise tells me “have hope”
But the sunset says “just wait and see”
So I will keep dancing, keep burning, keep breathing
Listening when the earth whispers secrets
Trusting these roads to lead where I need
Bathing in the sun’s warmth, brilliant with love
And I will find my peace
In the transience of the moon
Grateful that each speaks to me in ways some people never learn to hear
And someday
When my journey has ended
My lessons complete
I will see myself reflected in the hearts of my tribe
And I will know truth

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I Have

I have loved you a hundred times
The faces change
But the eyes remain
I have learned to ride your waves
Like the rain
Holding my breath
Trying not to drown
To navigate your labyrinth by touch
Knowing whatever lies at its core is felt not seen

I have sung the song in your heart
Harmonizing with mine
Your metronome the only thing that still has time for me
A dance that takes my breath away
But only until midnight when the spell is broken
And I’m back to reality

I have left the window to my soul open wide
And you’ve watched me for years
There are no surprises here
You know exactly who I am
Just sometimes up close
I look like a mirror
Broken in places you cannot ignore

I have not kept score so you always win
Over and over again
Folding paper boats that quickly take on water and sink in any depth

I have felt us fall
From promises that were not ours to make
Expectations we had no right to raise
Not far enough to call it Hell
Where we just sit and wait
The penance for our refusal to walk away

I have seen you reincarnated to keep trying
I have seen your love keep dying
Somewhere in the back of my mind I’m lying to myself
Because one of us will push too hard
One of us will give up hope
One of us will vanish in the fog one day
And I will blame myself
Because it’s easier to be the villain than the one who remains

I have lost you a hundred times
And the taste never goes away
But I will always try to have faith that this time you’ll stay with me
Because no matter how many times I hear the world say “I love you”
The only one I crave is the one from your lips

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Talk

So, we should talk about this
How I watched
As the temple we’ve fought so long to build
Was burned to the ground
and in the morning
The words “fag” and “queer” were scorched in the earth
Our world riddled with bullet holes
Stained our sanctuary with blood
That has survived abuse from families who were supposed to love us
Intolerance from communities that preach selflessness and charity
A hundred years of history and more
Finally feeling safe enough to march in the sunlight
In pride
in celebration
In solidarity
Now reduced to ash in the streets of Orlando

So, we should talk about this
But we want to focus on religion and politics
Not hate
We want to focus on buzzwords and trendy villains
Not hate
We want to focus on whatever makes you feel like there’s nothing relatable
In someone who could walk into a room full of people
Doing nothing more than sharing joy
In a world full of rage
To celebrate what they’ve been taught to believe their entire lives makes them broken
And destroy it all
In less time than it takes to order a pound of meat at the deli counter
Hate

Let’s talk about what you don’t want to understand
Anything that makes your blind eyes
Only recognize monsters at a distance
But this shit is in your own home
Whether you name it or not
And if I walked through your front door with an AR-15
And slaughtered your family
You can be sure who I fuck
Who I love
Who I pray to
Who I am beneath my skin
Would come into play
Because I look like I could be your daughter

Let’s talk about her
The one you don’t mention
The one you’ve marked diseased for being like me
The one who marches in parades by my side because she has no home to return to
With rainbow tattoos where people like you used to throw lit matches
the one reminded tonight just how real the threat on her life still is
The one who could be one of 50 who still lie on that dance floor
The one who wonders if you care
Because you still refuse
to talk about this shit
Brothers
Sisters
Daughters
Sons
Fathers
Mothers
Friends
Lovers

It’s much closer to home now, isn’t it.
Ready to talk yet?

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She watched his fire dim
knowing all to well the beasts that waited in the darkness
licking their lips in hungrily patient silence

When it had faded to nothing but a faintly flickering ember
she watched his shadowed for stand and walk into the woods
an offering to his fate

Her attention turned to her own flame
dancing in its final bursts of light
and the last piece of kindling
resting in her arms like a sleeping child
then up at the stars
each one cradling a question, a decision, a crossroads

Her fire snapped a warning
it needed an answer
Either she fed it her last hope of finding anything beyond her own light
including him
taking the chance that even this might not be enough to last til dawn
or she let the fire die
and followed him into the night to fight by his side

Could she get to him?
Was she too late?
Would the growls and howls circling her follow, and would they be too much to fight off?
Did he want her there?

She carried no sword. Would she become a burden?

At last the light began to give in to the void gathering around her
I her head a whisper
“It’s too late”

Not content to sit and wait to be eaten alive
she grabbed the only weapon she had
and marched defiantly into the nothingness

 

dark_forest

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